Sadness In My Soul

I can't do anything anymore. My family officialy hates me. I think i am going to give up on my family...I mean there my family..and i do care about them...but they hate me..so why try hm? oh well. I guess all i can do is live strong and try hard. But even though i say this..im not compleatly sure about that. Despite what my family does to me I still worry. For example my grandfather has been sick for a week. And he started with a virus..but turned into something worse. Pluss my great grandmother is sick and not taking her pill's...this is all to hard..heh. I guess all of this is making things stressfull...but i have to deal with it..and try to not dwell on the past. Heh..there i go again..im trying to make things sound better then they are...thats me trying to be happy..heh

xXx
<3

im sitting at home wondering why i care about things. i miss all of the times that i could actually smile. I never had to fake. or to ware a mask. Oh well, i cant help the fact that i cant handle life..maybe i am just a loser. oh well, i live threw it i supose. heh. i wonder why i even write my thoughts down in here. maybe i hope someone will come along and see this, possibly care. maybe i hate my life. hell i am a loser who has no life. heh, worthless peace of shit just as my mother and family calls me. oh well..life is life. we all have issues and problem with our effed up families.

I am thinking why i havent tried to take off someware and never come back. Possibly i am scared of what the real world is like. and i dont want to take a risk at it. i am frightened of what most ppl will not allow others to know. but i dont care..ppl can think what they think...because i am who i am...thats all that matters to me...heh

Ok so i am thinking of why i am still up right now..not too late but still. i have school and my bf is talking to me and saying that i should sleep. The words that he is speaking to me make me feel calmer than normal. It puts me in this state of mind ware nothing else matters to me. Only him and his words of cure. Its funny how the sound of his voice will even make me smile...heh i think he tries to hard..he has me now. Neither of us want to loose eachother. heh. oh well, i guess i am in love...they say love is confusing...whoever said that is a smart fellow...lol...

Its been to long to worry about past things that have happened to me. I guress that i just may not care what happends later in life. I am going to stop worrying about the future..and live in the moment of now. why should i worry about past pain and regrets when there is nothing i can do about it? i am kinda wondering why i always worry about anything and everything. even if i am not a part of it. it makes no sence to me. i guess i try to hard. lately i have been thinking that maybe i should just give up..maybe not. I think now in the moment to just take life as it is. heh..now i am writing about nonsence that i am thinking. I guess i write it down to try and make my self less confised about life. It may not help..but i try.

*zoe*

Emo...Gay...Hot Or Not?




Fall Out Boy....hmmm?





Is He Hott...i duno




Eyeliner much...lol, depending on what you look for in a guy...this is hot...well its one of those things...heh

I am so exausted. i got sick cuz i haven't slept in 8 days. I woke up the other day and fainted in the bathroom when i went to go and take a shower and wash up for the day. I looked at myself in the mirror and everything went extreamly blurry. then black. I woke up then around 12. so from 5 am-12 pm i was unconcious. My mom obviously let me stay home...then i called her. She told me that when i fainted i hit my head agenst the sink. so yea. what bothers me about that whole thing is that she didnt even take me to the hospital. i could have fucking died or had some messed up sickness. damn why dont the ppl in my fam ever care about me or how i am doing. I guess thats why i am the way i am. oh well. I just dont know what to do. Plus i havent eat'in in a while...i kinda have to keep my body fat %age at 4.5 % or i will loose my job...tell me what i should do so i dont get more sick from lack of food and sleep...what is there that i can do. What foods will not distrupt my prob. Well hope i can get help fom you guys.
Later
Emo Chick....Zoe.......Zjael......Zoey.....or what ever you call me

Hi all meh friends! I havent been on in a while! and i need advice! i miss everyone! I hope everyone is doing good! plz reply!

You have determined eyes


What kind of anime eyes do you have?
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cool huh?

well its another day in my life...like anyone cares..but i have finnaly go plenty of money to get my electric guitar...im so board with out it...i wanna play it!! but the law (mom) says i cant get it until she see's my first report card...grr....darn -_- ...oh well.....i am so impacient with this stuff.....grrrrr.........jeeez when will the day come when i can get it??........well thats all for now ppl...latters

~Zoe

hi guys, im sorry about that one post about ending my LJ account...its not what it seems, i was just really depressed about something is all...so im sorry -_-

im ready for highschool, but at the same time i dont want to go....i guess im just a little consurned about the fact that 3 of the guys there are hitting on me....grr...oh well i guess...latters for now....got any sugestions? let me know ok?...

~zoe

hi everyone, or everyone that cares if i post at all...well i think i might close my journal because everyone else is consearned about other ppl....so i guess i'll close this account sometime soon, well i guess thats all for now. i think it is anyways...latters, maybe latters for good...

~zoe

hey guys i just was kinda board, so i desided to post, the only thing i can really think of posting is.....about the movie 'war of the worlds' .... i saw it last night and i loved the graphics, but i was the only one in the hole theator that was scared of it...oh well they still did a great job at it....i loved the story line too....and everyone's acting was awasome ^^ well thats all for now i guess..see yeah ^^

latters,
~zoe

well the 4th was nice except for the fact that i didnt get to see my crush, i was so happy that i might have gotten to tell him how i feel...but maybe its a blessing in descise, or what ever the hell u wanna call it...and i didnt ger to see another person that i havent seen for ages, he is from germany...and i would like to hang out with the dude sometime! oooooooh well. but a good thing was that i got to see lizzie! and her boyfriend! and i also got to see luke! and i also got to kick nelson in the f-ing balls! that was cool ^^ ...thats what he gets for spying on me when im in my swimming suit! he is such a perv. but then again, what boy isnt the slitest bit perverted? i guess thats about all for now...

hope everyone had a great 4th, tell me how it went 4 u!

latters,
zoe

Im so excited! tommarow is the 4th of july and i'll get to hang out with like 20 ppl!! ^^ it'llbe cool ^^...but what i'm really hopein for is to see a good friend that i havent seen for a year! its gonna be nice to see him and hang out, hopefully my crush will be there too...i'll be happy if was there, maybe then i could tell him how i feel ^^

wish me luck!

~zoe

well the summer for me has been kinda odd, i never get to sdo anything because i babysit every day of the week 'sept for saterday and sunday....oh well, i just hate not being able to hang out with my friends...and i miss my mom and her boyfriend...no that, for me, has got to tell u that i havent got anything to do anymore...but the cool thing is that i get to go and hang out with some close friends tonight! ^^ im so exsited...i already know that we arn't gonna sleep...i mean: me + friends + food + vidio games + anime + gossip = NO SLEEP!!! ^^ well i hope that everyone else is haven' a great summer...or a semi-great summer...lol, oh....and i died my hair! it now had medium red, dark red, blond, and brown in it! tonight my friends are gonna freak...i have never put red in my hair this dramatic!! well its cool though...

ok a creapy thing has happened to me! ok so my dad is a jerk and never calls me...ever, so i hadnt seen or talked to him for about 4 years! so out of the blue he calls me on father's day....and im thinkin "what in the hell? why is he callin me?" so i talk to him...and he explains to me many things i had no i dea about, things like how he was an olimpic swimer, and how he was a great athleat, what he did to my mother....many things that was a bit just to big to possibly swallow....so now he calls every f-ing day! but to be perfically honest, i enjoy to hear and remember his voice...we talk about the dummest things...but maybe he will change...maybe he finally realized what to do with his life, maybe he finally realized that i was important enuph to talk to and care about...well i guess its a blessing in discize.

well on another note, i hope that everyone has a father and mother, or at least a father and mother figure...oh, and i am so exsited for the 4th of july!! YAY! and another YAY! its a time where EVERYONE is together, like friends and fam! im exsited to seem 'em all! and to do stupid things with them like die our hair with screwy colors...heh, its gonna be cool ^^...well thats about all i have to say for now!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!! ^^